| Song of the stars | |
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WalrusGumboot Legend
Posts : 59 Join date : 2009-12-16 Age : 27 Location : Hiding under your bed
| Subject: Song of the stars Wed Mar 03, 2010 9:39 pm | |
| This was for a contest... I hope I'm not disqualified for posting it It doesn't rhyme, and some of the lines aren't in any meter at all... Song of the Stars I lie awake on the clearest winter night And listen to the ticking of my heart Beating out a rhythm. I turn away from my insomnia And look up at the music of the sky. The cosmos is silent, Yet filled with resonance. For the most distant star shines a beacon, The remotest of galaxies sing, And quasars pulse like metronomes. A black hole, the icon of destruction, Hums with energy in bittersweet song, And even a vacuum's uncertain tune Of particles that shouldn't really be Fills the night with an inaudible ballad. | |
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Joe Cool Legend
Posts : 55 Join date : 2009-12-12 Location : In my secret lair.
| Subject: Re: Song of the stars Wed Mar 10, 2010 4:17 pm | |
| Not to be the annoying correct-all-that-I-see machine, but: - Quote :
- The cosmos is silent,
You used the wrong linking verb for this tense. You should use are instead of is. I know 1337 commands is there, but I'm not sure Poetic License commands this. (lol) EDIT: Forgot to add my comment. I like the fact that you mentioned the sky, and the objects locked within, and the lines seemed to flow, although, yes, not many rhymed. | |
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WalrusGumboot Legend
Posts : 59 Join date : 2009-12-16 Age : 27 Location : Hiding under your bed
| Subject: Re: Song of the stars Thu Mar 11, 2010 3:25 pm | |
| Actually, according to Wikipedia anyway, the word cosmos is a singular (or rather, a mass noun) - if it was a plural, what would the singular form be? Cosmo? | |
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Joe Cool Legend
Posts : 55 Join date : 2009-12-12 Location : In my secret lair.
| Subject: Re: Song of the stars Thu Mar 11, 2010 6:27 pm | |
| I'm pretty sure it's plural. I'll confirm tomorrow. EDIT: Yes it is. See here. It makes sense. The Russian word for astronaut used in the cold war especially is "Cosmonaut". | |
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WalrusGumboot Legend
Posts : 59 Join date : 2009-12-16 Age : 27 Location : Hiding under your bed
| Subject: Re: Song of the stars Sun Mar 14, 2010 11:37 pm | |
| I see where it says - dictionary.com wrote:
- –noun,plural-mos, -mosĀ·es
but I think that means that the plural form of the word being defined is either "cosmos" (i.e. "cosmos" is an uncountable noun, in other words a mass noun such as "grass" or "furniture") or "cosmoses," the latter meaning that obviously "cosmos" is the singular. Also, Cosmonaut is easier to say than Cosmosnaut. Oh and I just realized that I didn't post why it doesn't rhyme -- we weren't supposed to have end rhymes, and we were supposed to model the poetry off that of Walt Whitman. Edit: I asked two different English teachers -- they both said it was singular, and we also checked the dictionary and it said that cosmos was either used as a singular or collective noun (it said it had two plural forms -- cosmos and cosmoses) | |
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RaspberryTickleBear Legend
Posts : 58 Join date : 2010-03-26 Location : Not caring.(:
| Subject: Re: Song of the stars Sat Mar 27, 2010 8:55 am | |
| You like space and astronomy, don't you? I can tell by this and your story. Very good job. The thing is, I didn't pay much attention in science when we were learning about space... I'm not very good at writing about anything in the sky except clouds, stars, and the moon. The best I can do about the Sun is right here...
The Sun burns my eyes, Causing me to look away. The Sun is real mean.
Yes, haikus... I love them. But this proves my lack of talent when it comes to writing about objects above our heads. :3 | |
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WalrusGumboot Legend
Posts : 59 Join date : 2009-12-16 Age : 27 Location : Hiding under your bed
| Subject: Re: Song of the stars Sat Mar 27, 2010 11:51 am | |
| I guess it just depends what you like. I mean, this only came out well because I liked what I was writing about. Everyone could write good poetry if they really wanted to, it's just figuring out how is the tricky part. | |
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RaspberryTickleBear Legend
Posts : 58 Join date : 2010-03-26 Location : Not caring.(:
| Subject: Re: Song of the stars Sat Mar 27, 2010 1:38 pm | |
| Exactly, I don't even know what a quasar is. So I guess I like writing about stuff like... Well, I don't even know, lol. | |
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| Song of the stars | |
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