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WalrusGumboot
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PostSubject: Song of the stars   Wed Mar 03, 2010 9:39 pm

This was for a contest... I hope I'm not disqualified for posting it Wink It doesn't rhyme, and some of the lines aren't in any meter at all...

Song of the Stars

I lie awake on the clearest winter night
And listen to the ticking of my heart
Beating out a rhythm.
I turn away from my insomnia
And look up at the music of the sky.

The cosmos is silent,
Yet filled with resonance.
For the most distant star shines a beacon,
The remotest of galaxies sing,
And quasars pulse like metronomes.

A black hole, the icon of destruction,
Hums with energy in bittersweet song,
And even a vacuum's uncertain tune
Of particles that shouldn't really be
Fills the night with an inaudible ballad.
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Joe Cool
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PostSubject: Re: Song of the stars   Wed Mar 10, 2010 4:17 pm

Not to be the annoying correct-all-that-I-see machine, but:
Quote :
The cosmos is silent,
You used the wrong linking verb for this tense. You should use are instead of is. I know 1337 commands is there, but I'm not sure Poetic License commands this. (lol)

EDIT: Forgot to add my comment.
I like the fact that you mentioned the sky, and the objects locked within, and the lines seemed to flow, although, yes, not many rhymed.
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WalrusGumboot
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PostSubject: Re: Song of the stars   Thu Mar 11, 2010 3:25 pm

Actually, according to Wikipedia anyway, the word cosmos is a singular (or rather, a mass noun) - if it was a plural, what would the singular form be? Cosmo? Rolling Eyes
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Joe Cool
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PostSubject: Re: Song of the stars   Thu Mar 11, 2010 6:27 pm

I'm pretty sure it's plural. I'll confirm tomorrow.

EDIT: Yes it is. See here.
It makes sense. The Russian word for astronaut used in the cold war especially is "Cosmonaut".
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WalrusGumboot
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PostSubject: Re: Song of the stars   Sun Mar 14, 2010 11:37 pm

I see where it says
dictionary.com wrote:
–noun,plural-mos, -mos·es
but I think that means that the plural form of the word being defined is either "cosmos" (i.e. "cosmos" is an uncountable noun, in other words a mass noun such as "grass" or "furniture") or "cosmoses," the latter meaning that obviously "cosmos" is the singular. Also, Cosmonaut is easier to say than Cosmosnaut.

Oh and I just realized that I didn't post why it doesn't rhyme -- we weren't supposed to have end rhymes, and we were supposed to model the poetry off that of Walt Whitman.

Edit: I asked two different English teachers -- they both said it was singular, and we also checked the dictionary and it said that cosmos was either used as a singular or collective noun (it said it had two plural forms -- cosmos and cosmoses)
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RaspberryTickleBear
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PostSubject: Re: Song of the stars   Sat Mar 27, 2010 8:55 am

You like space and astronomy, don't you? I can tell by this and your story. Very good job. The thing is, I didn't pay much attention in science when we were learning about space... I'm not very good at writing about anything in the sky except clouds, stars, and the moon. The best I can do about the Sun is right here...

The Sun burns my eyes,
Causing me to look away.
The Sun is real mean.

Yes, haikus... I love them. But this proves my lack of talent when it comes to writing about objects above our heads. :3
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WalrusGumboot
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PostSubject: Re: Song of the stars   Sat Mar 27, 2010 11:51 am

I guess it just depends what you like. I mean, this only came out well because I liked what I was writing about. Everyone could write good poetry if they really wanted to, it's just figuring out how is the tricky part.
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RaspberryTickleBear
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PostSubject: Re: Song of the stars   Sat Mar 27, 2010 1:38 pm

Exactly, I don't even know what a quasar is. Razz So I guess I like writing about stuff like... Well, I don't even know, lol.
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