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 The Night Before...

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RaspberryTickleBear
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Join date : 2010-03-26
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PostSubject: The Night Before...   Fri Apr 02, 2010 4:31 pm

Try to come up with a variation of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas', with a different holiday and put it here!


'Twas the night before Halloween, and all through the crypt,
Every creature was stirring, nd blood was sipped.
The fungus was hung on the headstones with care,
In hopes that the holiday soon would be there.

All children were nestled in a corner with fear,
With visions of banshees that would shriek in their ears.
With mamma in her mittens, and me in my scarf,
We readied our minds to be emotionally scarred.

When out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my seat to see what was the matter.
Away from the window I ran once I saw,
The ghouls and and goblins, ready to assault.

The moon on the trees, and the lights on the road,
Hinted that this wave would not be alone.
When, what to my wandering eyes appeared,
Skeletons, corpses, and zombies rattled near.

With a little old hearse, casket and all,
A vampire arose, causing Mamma to fall.
More rapid than eagles, his coursers they came,
And took away our town, never leaving us the same.
Very Happy
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Joe Cool
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PostSubject: Re: The Night Before...   Sat Apr 03, 2010 10:30 am

T'was the night before Gimme all the candy day...

Anyway, I like the twist you put on it. There seemed to be a half and half of spook and laugh, expertly blended together.
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RaspberryTickleBear
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PostSubject: Re: The Night Before...   Sat Apr 03, 2010 1:06 pm

Awwwww, thank you! Your comment gives me a happy.
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WalrusGumboot
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PostSubject: Re: The Night Before...   Sat Apr 03, 2010 7:57 pm

'Twas the night before New Years, we're stocked up on fireworks...

Dunno. I'll work on it tomorrow.
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http://aviary.com/artists/WalrusGumboot/creations
magmak
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PostSubject: Re: The Night Before...   Fri Apr 16, 2010 6:21 pm

Dunno. I like the theme, but the rhyming killed it. You rhymed scarf with scarred, saw with assault, and...one other thing. If you hadn't forced it to rhymed, it would have been better. It also twitched between slightly macabre, to little children in costumes, to Christmas, which obviously isn't a good combination. Maybe it's just because I'm big on poems. And picky. It's probably not you.
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RaspberryTickleBear
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PostSubject: Re: The Night Before...   Fri Apr 16, 2010 7:49 pm

Christmas? Where'd that come from? And yeah, I totally agree, the rhyming sucked. But you need to understand, that I only rhymed assault with saw because I don't always pronounce the T's in my words. So sometimes, I end up saying 'WalrusGumboo' instead of WalrusGumboot... So I thought they sounded kind of similar. And I do work better with free verse poems. Razz Thank you for your criticism, though. I really appreciate it.
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